


The Long Road to Recovery

by Tarlan



Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery, Romance, Small Fandom Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 01:04:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both bore the scars from Isla Sorna, but not all scars can be seen on the surface. Alan still feels guilty over his words to Billy, and it takes self-analysis to realize why Billy's actions had disappointed him so much. A journey to close the dig in Montana for the winter, gives both of them the time to assess their relationship and realize that it could be so much more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Road to Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Small Fandom Bang - Round One.
> 
>  
> 
> **Thank you Taibhrigh and DanceswithGary for the beautiful artwork created for this story :)**
> 
>  
> 
> [Art](http://archiveofourown.org/works/376213) by [DanceswithGary](http://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary)  
> [Art](http://archiveofourown.org/works/375551) by [Taibhrigh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/taibhrigh/pseuds/taibhrigh)
> 
>  **With many thanks to my betas: Taibhrigh and Siluria:** Thank you for all your help and encouragement... You are both too wonderful for words!

After several operations and months of physical therapy to repair and strengthen the damage caused by the Pteranodons, the last thing Alan expected to hear fall from Billy's lips was, "I want to go back."

"To Isla Sorna?"

"Or Isla Nublar." Billy smiled ruefully. "We were so busy running, we barely had a chance to stop and look." He shook his head as Alan opened his mouth to protest. "I know it's dangerous but not everything there is a predator. I want to see a Brachiosaurus up-close, and a Stegosaurus. Maybe even see a Triceratops. Study them. See if our theories pan out or if we need to rework them in light of new information."

Alan sank down into his seat behind his desk in his rarely used office at the Montana State University, and stared at Billy in confusion.

"The manner in which these creatures were created casts a doubt on any scientific findings. InGen created theme park monsters, admittedly using a large part of each dinosaur's DNA but...." He held up a finger. "But they replaced missing parts of the strand with DNA taken from modern amphibians and reptiles. Those are not true dinosaurs, Billy. They may have many traits in common with their prehistoric counterparts but they may also be displaying the traits honed from 65 million years of evolution. The spontaneous sex change is positive proof of an influence on their DNA."

Billy cast his eyes down, forehead creased as he gathered his thoughts. "I know... but when I was floating down river I thought I saw a family group of Ankylosaurs and they were.... For all I know it could have been my imagination in overdrive but--"

Alan sighed. "I saw them too. Down by the water's edge not long after..." Alan hesitated because the memory of the bird cage still had the power to leave him feeling shocked and dazed.

He recalled the stilted conversation on the boat with Erik while still reeling from the sudden loss of Billy. He had been rambling, trying to justify Billy's foolishness in taking those eggs--blaming it on Billy's youth and his desire to see and touch. He had struggled since then but still could find no way to justify his own harsh words to Billy, not when they had been his last words. They had all been tired and hurting, scared for their lives. They had all seen terrible things, witnessed the violent deaths of others, yet even so Alan should have known better than any of them how precarious life was on that island. He knew how they would continue to face danger until they found a way to get as far away from the whole chain of islands as possible. He knew there was a chance that none of them would get off that island alive and still he had let those words hang between them.

His mind flashed back to his last sight of Billy as the river swept him away, while the pteranodons carried on their vicious attack upon fragile human flesh. Until that moment, he had not truly understood how much he had come to depend on Billy for more than just his invaluable assistance at the dig. Over the three years since Billy joined the dig, the line between student and professor had blurred, eradicated altogether once Billy gained his doctorate. Instead, Billy had become Alan's confidante... and his friend.

Alan was keeping everything he felt for Billy that went beyond friendship to himself, not willing to ruin what he already had with Billy. After all, Billy was still a young man with his whole life stretching out ahead of him whereas these past few years, battling dinosaurs, had made Alan feel as old as the fossils hidden in the rocks beneath their feet. He knew better than to say as much though as Billy had rebuked him more than once for calling himself a dinosaur in this modern age.

"Somebody needs to go back there," Billy stated earnestly. "To document the animals on the islands."

"I'd rather it was someone else." And not you, he added silently, not wanting Billy within a thousand miles of those islands. It didn't help that the Navy had tracked those pteranodons to the edge of the island group, and if they decided not to settle there then the next land mass was the South American continent. It also didn't help that Hammond's now deceased nephew had almost succeeded in bringing Jurassic Park to San Diego. Alan shuddered internally at the thought of what might have happened if InGen had brought back a Spinosaurus or a Velociraptor instead of a T. rex.

He recalled that first day in Jurassic Park when he realized that the newborn dinosaur in his hand was one of the world's greatest predators. Alan had understood the logic in recreating it and the others. From a business perspective it made a lot of sense as most people visited the zoo to see the big cats and bears, the eagles and other potential killers. These ferocious beasts held a fascination for man that could be appeased when the creature was pacing behind the bars or glass of a sealed enclosure, with the humans safely out of reach. Standing on the other side of that enclosure, with nothing at all between them, humans were simply prey. Meat. Barely a snack to a Spinosaurus or T. rex, but definitely a tasty meal to a Velociraptor or Pteranodon.

Billy had almost been a meal for a Pteranodon, and Alan only had to look over and see the scar on Billy's throat to know how close he had come to losing him forever.

"At the very least, let me come back to the dig!"

Alan sighed. "I'm heading back up there tomorrow to finish closing the dig site for the winter. I could use the assistance of someone who has more than a passing knowledge of site administration."

Billy smiled. "You mean someone who can handle delicate electronic equipment without frying it."

"There is that too," Alan agreed with a wry smile, knowing his inability to touch machines without them shorting out had become a standing joke throughout the university over the years. He glanced across the high pile of folders and papers to the PC standing abandoned on the side cabinet --the third PC to die on him in the past seven months. At least he never relied on it to hold his notes, leaving the task of uploading everything to one of his TAs for archival purposes only. Many thought him an anachronism, or at least technophobic, for insisting on all course work being handed in on paper. Those that handed in a flash drive or sent an email linking their work usually learned pretty quickly that it was best to print it out or give it to one of the TAs to print out for them, or risk losing everything.

Before Billy could offer to drive, Alan spoke up. "I'll pick you up at 4am."

Billy smiled. "See you tomorrow. Early."

Alan watched as Billy turned and walked away, noticing the slight limp that he tried to hide--unsuccessfully. There was a time a few months back when the doctors had debated on whether Billy would ever walk again but Billy had already proven them wrong. The damage to his left shoulder was just as severe, with loss of muscle tissue from the Pteranodon beaks stabbing into him, but again, Billy had exceeded all expectations ten times over and had regained at least 90% mobility in his left arm and shoulder.

It was one of the many things he admired about Billy; his tenacity that went far beyond the simple resilience of youth. Billy was a fighter, and that certainly explained how he managed to survive the treacherous river currents, and predators like the small chicken-like Compsognathus--Compies--that hunted along the riverbank in packs. Alan wouldn't be surprised if a year from now, few would notice he had a limp at all.

Taking a deep breath, he sighed heavily and took the first of the papers off the pile to be graded, wishing he had left this to his TA.

"I can help you grade those."

Alan looked up sharply, startled as he had not heard Billy return, and Billy knew it because he gave Alan an unrepentant grin. Alan smiled back, grateful not just for the offer of help but also for seeing Billy again so soon. He hid his pleasure beneath a veneer of gruffness.

"Just don't go too easy on them. I wouldn't want to ruin my reputation for being a hard-hearted taskmaster."

Billy pulled out the seat opposite. "Oh, your reputation will be safe with me."

Alan smiled again, caught by the unintended double meaning as his mind moved beyond the papers covering his desk to the man easing into the chair opposite. For the first time, he realized that he didn't give a damn about his reputation if it meant having Billy as more than a friend. Billy cast him a quizzical look but Alan forestalled any query by handing Billy the next paper on the pile.

They worked in companionable silence for the next two hours, occasionally laughing over some student's misguided attempt to hide their lack of knowledge, or misinterpretation of the facts. Alan found himself glancing over the top of his papers constantly, unable to resist watching Billy while he was so engrossed with his own papers, and smiling on the few times when Billy glanced back unexpectedly.

"Checking up on me?"

"Don't want you to overdo it if you still plan to go along to the dig with me tomorrow."

Billy waved a hand towards the pile of graded papers. "Not much in here to tax my brain."

When the last paper was placed on the completed pile, Alan felt a moment of discomfort as the silence hung heavily in the air between them. He understood his reluctance to call an end to this evening and momentarily toyed with the idea of offering to take Billy out for a drink but he could see the darkening circles under Billy's eyes. Billy tried to convince everyone that he was well-recovered from the attack but at times like this, it was easy to see how the physical injuries drained his strength even during a sedentary task like grading papers.

"I'll drop you off on my way home," Alan stated softly.

"I live in the opposite direction. I can make my own way home."

Alan knew better than to push it with Billy, knowing he held on tight to his independence now after being so reliant on others while he was unable to walk.

"Then at least let me call and pay for a cab." Alan waved over the papers. "It's the least I can do."

Billy nodded, accepting the payment for services rendered in preference to perceived charity or mothering.

They parted on the steps leading into the Paleontology Center, though Alan waited in his car until the cab had pulled away.

****

Out at Fort Peck Lake, the first snow of the winter was forecast for later in the week but the wind coming off the water was bitterly cold already. Billy shivered and lifted the collar of his jacket around his ears before heading back to the University-owned pick-up that was parked outside the grocery store, wondering why Alan needed a few more supplies before heading inland towards the dig. He heard the tiny ring of the door bell, and frowned when Alan stepped out with both arms full of groceries.

"You planning a winter vacation up here?" Billy asked in a light, teasing tone but he had to admit to being curious by the amount of food in the bags.

Alan gave one of his small smiles. "I thought we could stay overnight and head back with the trailer in the morning. Unless you have other plans for tonight?"

"Nope. Sounds good to me."

And it really did sound good to Billy for he welcomed every opportunity to hang out with Alan, especially when there would be no one else around to take Alan's attention away from him once all the tents were taken down and the others had headed out. He knew that sounded pathetic but what had started out as a stupid crush had grown far more intense over the years.

Of course Billy had not been the only one with a crush. Most of the campus had formed a crush on Alan following the revelation of the Isla Nublar incident five years earlier. He was the _Dinosaur Man_ , the hero of Jurassic Park, the one who had battled velociraptors and a T. rex, and saved the kids when everything went to hell and people started dying. Most got over their crush pretty quickly, especially those that ended up working or studying under Alan, for he was not one to take idiots lightly. However, by the end of his second year, having taken over for Ellie Sattler as Alan's deputy at the dig site, Billy knew his crush had evolved into something far deeper and certainly far more mature than simple hero worship. Over those two years he had seen Alan at his worst but also at his best. He recalled pulling in long hours, lying side-by-side with Alan in the dust as they slowly uncovered the secrets of the past that were locked in the rocks beneath them, fired up by Alan's excitement and enthusiasm. He had fond remembrance of talking late into the night as they described their theories to each other, or discussed Billy's dissertation. Most of Billy's arguments in defense of his dissertation had come from those long discussions, and he felt he owed the new title conferred upon him last month to Alan's relentless encouragement. Alan had been there for him every step of the way--and never more so than over these past months while Billy slowly recovered his strength and mobility.

Doctor William J. Brennan.

The title gave Billy more than just academic achievement. He was no longer Alan's student, and so he was no longer bound by the student/teacher code of conduct designed to protect both sides from taking advantage of each other. With his doctorate, Billy became Alan's equal, especially as the Paleontology Department had taken him on as an Associate Professor due to his years of field study under Alan's supervision. Though, admittedly, surviving the Pteranodons and seeing other dinosaurs up-close on Isla Sorna had given him an edge over other applicants for the position.

He helped Alan load the two bags into the back of the pick-up before taking the passenger seat, turning the conversation to the strata of the rocks in the area between here and Hell Creek. They still had the rest of a velociraptor to uncover but a local had found what looked like a nesting ground six miles south of their current dig site. The university wanted Alan to investigate, leaving the rest of the recovery work on the velociraptor to one of Alan's assistants. At first Billy thought they meant him, and though he would have been happy enough to take over that dig, he would have missed working so closely with Alan. Instead they had offered it to Gene, the more senior Associate Professor in the department.

Alan glanced across at him before turning his attention back to the dusty track. "If you're going to stay on as my deputy and site manager then I thought we'd better pick out the new site together."

The slight gruffness of Alan's tone made Billy smile happily, and when he flicked a glance across, he was sure he could see Alan smiling too.

Eventually, they rounded a bend in the track and Alan stopped the pick-up on the wide, flat area in front of the camp. Ahead of them, Billy noted that someone had taken down the tents used as sleeping/living quarters for those working at the dig site, leaving only the larger tents used to house the equipment. He climbed out of the pick-up slowly, not wanting to put all of his weight onto his bad leg. After spending most of the last seven hours in the passenger seat, he was feeling stiff and sore.

"Hey, Billy!"

Startled, he looked across the camp and gave a hesitant wave back at Carol. He recalled lying on the ground with her, showing her the difference between ordinary rock and fossilized bone: rough, smooth... rough, smooth. It seemed a lifetime ago when Alan had been the one grasping his hand and showing him the difference; his skin tingling from the feel of Alan's strong, warm hand wrapped around his, guiding his finger across the velociraptor's fossilized snout to the surrounding sandstone. He still wondered how it would feel to have Alan's hands stroking across his skin in a far more intimate situation.

It was fortunate that Alan had come around to Billy's side of the pick-up as Billy had forgotten how the looser shale and finer grains of sandstone could shift beneath his feet. He lost his balance; his bad leg almost crumpling beneath him as his foot slid sideways. Momentary panic subsided as a strong hand clasped under his elbow. Flushed with embarrassment and a little self-directed anger, Billy murmured his thanks, but he retained enough common sense not to shake off the supporting hand.

Without conscious thought, he leaned a little more into Alan as they made their way towards the tents even though it wasn't strictly necessary any longer having already regained his balance. He only pulled away when he noticed the concern in the eyes of the few helpers who had stopped to watch their arrival; Alan had the same concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine," Billy insisted, answering the unspoken question. "The soft ground just took me by surprise."

"Well, take care, Billy. If I lose you then it's just me moving those damn machines."

Billy snorted softly. "I just saw Joe... the technician."

"You know I can barely understand a word he says," Alan stated in an aggrieved tone.

Billy laughed out loud this time because Joe said the same thing about Alan and his _dino-speak_. Billy had taken on the task of bridging their worlds of technology and paleontology not long after joining the dig, much to both Alan and Joe's relief. His smile wavered. "What?"

"Missed hearing you laugh."

Alan ducked away before Billy could respond, and Billy was almost certain he had seemed embarrassed by the admission. He watched Alan make his way through the camp before turning back to his first task for the day. Lifting the tent flap, Billy entered the main work area.

"Joe." He smiled in greeting, gaining a happy grin in response.

****

Alan looked back once he had picked his way across the dig site, watching as Billy disappeared inside the main tent that housed most of the technical equipment. His fingers still tingled from the touch memory of holding onto Billy even though Billy's arm had been covered in several thick layers to ward off the cold air. Since returning from Isla Sorna, Alan had noticed how often he reached for Billy. He clapped a hand on Billy's uninjured shoulder to offer assurance, or touched his arm to gain Billy's attention. He felt their fingers brush when he handed him a pen or paper, or a glass or mug... and Billy let him, even offering up his own touches in return, as if they both wanted to reaffirm Billy's continued existence.

While Billy was a student it was a dangerous game to play, leaving Alan open to questions regarding his judgment and ethics. With grant funding becoming more difficult to find since Hammond and InGen stopped financing the dig, competition between the various departments became all the more savage. Alan could not afford to have his reputation sullied by allegations of impropriety, so he was relieved when Billy gained his well-deserved doctorate. Of course, Alan knew there were still those who would use his homosexuality against him if it became common knowledge, but having faced death at the claws and teeth of dinosaurs twice in the last six years, he was sure he could ride out that storm, even if it meant resigning from the university and taking up one of the many tenured positions offered by less narrow-minded institutions.

The problem was leaving Billy.

Before Isla Sorna, the thought of moving on without Billy was uncomfortable because he would be leaving more than just a student behind. Now it seemed too impossible to contemplate, which was a little pathetic when he had no idea if Billy felt anything more towards him than the bond between student and teacher. At least he could no longer deny that he did want more from Billy than friendship, even though he believed it could never happen, if only due to their difference in age.

The tent flap opening up in front of him made him startle and he smiled wanly as Carol stepped outside with her arms full of the sheets they used to protect any partially uncovered fossils. She used her head to nod back in the direction of the tent.

"Gene's inside gathering up the last few pieces."

"Thanks." He moved past her but turned quickly. "Carol? Would you mind taking the groceries in the back of the pick-up to the trailer?"

"Sure thing, Doctor Grant." She smiled and disappeared without questions, leaving Alan to focus on clearing the dig site for the winter.

****

The last of the trucks headed off late in the afternoon leaving Alan alone with Billy. Alan had caught sight of him several times during the day, often smiling or laughing so he was glad he'd made the offer to bring Billy up here. He watched as Billy made his way across the now empty campsite towards the trailer but Alan noticed he was favoring his leg more than usual. No doubt he had overdone the walking and lifting even though Alan had given the others orders not to let Billy take on too much. When Billy stopped suddenly, his complexion paling and his expression taking on one of panic, Alan started towards him anxiously.

"Billy?"

"Should have brought my walking stick along."

Alan offered an arm and Billy took it, allowing Alan to support part of his weight as they walked slowly up the slight incline towards the trailer. He let Billy enter first, seeing arm muscles trembling as Billy negotiated the few tall stairs. Following on behind, Alan waited as Billy slumped onto the surprisingly comfortable bench seat that ran along the entire wall of the area set aside for lounging around and eating.

"Let me," Alan murmured as he lifted Billy's leg onto the bench seat before dropping a couple of extra pillows on Billy's lap for him to use as both back and leg support. With his leg and back propped up, the color seemed to come back into his face. "Don't move," Alan ordered before moving towards the small kitchenette.

For once, the electrical items within the trailer behaved and he had a passable hot meal on the table within the hour. Although they had shared plenty of meals in the past, the silence between them today seemed a little strained. Alan knew that he was the problem and, judging by the covert looks Billy kept giving him, it seemed that Billy knew that too. It was hard though. Being back here with Billy reminded him of all the lost innocence from before Isla Sorna. It reminded him of how they had worked side-by-side on the dig, sometimes for hours on end, and how Billy had always been there when he needed him. It reminded Alan of everything that had changed after the plane crash, especially the harsh words that were the result of too little sleep, pain and fear.

"I was wrong."

Billy looked up with a frown.

"What I said to you on Isla Sorna. You're nothing like those people at InGen, and I've wanted to take those words back ever since..."

"No. You were right. It was a stupid, stupid mistake that almost got us all killed." Billy looked away. "After what happened to Udesky... and almost to you, I deserved--" He bit his lower lip, cutting off the remaining words.

Alan shuddered as he recalled that moment in the clearing, surrounded by velociraptors snapping at him rather than attacking. Moments earlier he had been wondering what they were searching for and until later, when Billy told him that his lucky bag wasn't safe, Alan thought they had simply been looking for him--for any human--wondering if they had a carnivore's equivalent of a sweet tooth, but for human flesh. It had all made sense once he had opened the bag and found the eggs. They had followed the scent of the eggs to him, displaying an intelligence that was far greater than even he had previously estimated.

"You couldn't have known they'd be so protective and go hunting for those eggs." Alan grimaced. "I never expected any of us to make it off the island alive anyway, which is why I've regretted those words. Not exactly the last words I wanted to say to you."

"Don't, Billy."

Alan made a small sound of confusion.

"Your last words to me were, _Don't, Billy._ " Billy reached across the tabletop and pressed his hand over Alan's. "But I had to. I had to make amends for what I'd done... and I was the only one who could reach him before the pteranodon chicks ate him alive."

That had been the worst moment of Alan's life. Worse than seeing the perimeter fence warning lights and siren activate, worse than any encounter with a velociraptor where he and others were in immediate peril. Billy had looked at him, the confusion holding Alan frozen in place until he heard the ominous sound of the harness clicking. Billy was younger, faster, but Alan had been desperate to catch him. Stop him. His hand reaching out too late and barely grazing a foot as Billy jumped off the balcony rail and deployed the parasail. He still had nightmares about that moment, and the one following, watching as the pteranodon attacked, lifting Billy high into the air before dropping down on top of him. He recalled the water churning with the pink froth of blood--Billy's blood--and the river sweeping Billy away.

At the time, he thought he had lost Billy forever.

"Alan?"

"I made a promise that if we got off that island alive then I'd..." He trailed off, unable to finish.

"You'd do what?" Billy prompted softly/

"Make sure you got your doctorate," Alan finished lamely with a rueful smile, but he knew Billy wasn't entirely convinced by the small frown marks and the bemused smile.

"Well. You succeeded," Billy stated softly, reaching for his beer and silently toasting Alan before taking another sip.

He had been nursing the beer through the entire meal, knowing it would be the only one Alan would allow him while he was on his medication. At least Billy was off the heavy-duty painkillers now as Alan had worried over the addictive properties of Vicodin and other opiates. He knew that part of that was Billy's stubbornness and determination not to become reliant on drugs. On any normal day that was a laudable trait but Alan could see the pain creasing the corners of Billy's eyes, and the way his hand kept rubbing at his leg or shoulder when he thought Alan wasn't looking. Alan knew the cold wind had played its part too, with his older bones aching a little too. At least the trailer had decent heating for cold nights like this and, thankfully, someone--probably Carol--had set it running before she left with Gene.

"A hot shower will take some of the chill out of our bones. Why don't you go first while I clean up? I promise not to run the tap."

Billy grinned this time, no doubt recalling Ellie's shrieks on that one weekend when she joined them on the dig a few years back. When he slid out from the bench seat behind the table, he moved slowly like an arthritic old man, favoring both leg and shoulder. Alan gave a reassuring, close-mouthed smile.

"Take as much time as you want," Alan called out.

Quickly, he filled the coffee pot, rinsed the worst off the plates, and filled the small sink with hot water before Billy started up the shower. Cleaning up took almost the same amount of time as brewing fresh coffee, and he slid into the seat Billy had vacated with a full mug. The only sound filling the trailer was of water running in the shower, and Alan could not help but let his imagination run free as he pictured Billy naked beneath the hot spray.

Internally, he scoffed at his aborted attempt to keep the promise he had made on Isla Sorna, which was more than helping Billy get his doctorate. That had merely been a stepping stone to put them on an equal footing before he fulfilled the rest of the promise--to let Billy know exactly how he felt about him. He never wanted Billy to feel trapped or coerced into reciprocating. He wanted to make sure Billy could say he was not interested and walk away without any concerns for his future, and while Billy had been his student, that could not happen even with the best intentions on both sides.

Best intentions.

He recalled telling Billy that some of the worst things imaginable had been done with the best intentions, and he wondered if Billy knew that those words and feelings had come from bitter experience. There was a time when he had been in Billy's place--a student working with one of the greatest paleontologists of his day. Back then, even a hint of homosexuality could tear a reputation to shreds and it was his own stupidity, wrapped in good intentions, that cost a good man his tenure and caused a major setback in his life's work. Although the world had moved on over the last thirty years, some things never seemed to change, and that was an intolerance towards any relationship that might bring disrepute to the University. The Student-Teacher relationship was regarded as sacred and inviolable, but once that bond was dissolved then the faculty would ignore a relationship between former student and teacher as long as it was discreet... and normal. However, there were a few that still didn't consider homosexuality normal, but at least the majority tolerated it now and looked the other way.

Billy had never hinted at being inclined one way or another. Over the years of small talk and dig site gossip, he had never heard one reference of a girl or boyfriend, and Billy had never shown any particular interest in any of the students and general public that came to help out at the dig. Despite his affable and social nature--and a previously unknown life as an adrenaline junkie jumping off of high cliffs with just a parasail and the blind faith of youth--most thought of Billy as intensely focused on his studies. In the time Alan had known him, he had never seen Billy accept an offer of a drink except as part of a crowd... or when it was just the two of them discussing the dig or Billy's thesis paper over a cold beer.

And that was a major part of the problem. Alan had no idea if Billy saw them as friends or colleagues, and was only imagining that the occasional appraising, reflective or wistful looks might hide a deeper meaning.

When the shower stopped, Alan poured out a fresh mug of coffee for both of them and set them down on the small table further into the space that Alan used as a place to relax. He left Billy's closest to the bench seat, looking up and smiling when Billy limped in wearing just a pair of baggy sweat pants riding low on his hips. His feet were bare and he was struggling to dry his hair one handed using a small towel. The scars stood out a livid red against his skin, a mixture of gashes, tears and puncture marks from the pteranodons' beaks and talons. As if suddenly aware and self-conscious of Alan's appraisal, Billy held the damp towel over his chest to try to hide the worst of the scarring.

"I left my other bag over..." Billy pointed to the backpack before limping over to it swiftly and digging around inside. With his naked back to Alan, it gave Alan the opportunity to study the lean lines and curve of muscle. Once more pale flesh gave away to the still raw looking scars where talons and beaks had stabbed and torn at his flesh, especially around the left shoulder.

Alan shuddered, but not in disgust. Instead he was simply amazed that Billy had survived at all, and if the water had not carried him beyond the confines of the bird cage then he would not be here right now. Even so, there were plenty of other predators that could have attacked him as he floated down towards the sea: the vicious Compies that liked to hunt in packs of more than a dozen, or a T.rex, which could scent Billy's blood from miles away. The river itself had to hold dangers--carnivorous or omnivorous fish, crustaceans and amphibians--but Billy had made it to the sea, evading any further attacks, and had been found almost instantly by the marines sent in to rescue them.

He really did owe Ellie so much for that reason alone. She didn't just save him but she saved Billy too.

Billy dragged a pale blue t-shirt over his head and Alan pretended not to notice how he struggled with his left arm. Instead, he waited until Billy had settled back onto the bench seat before pushing across the still-hot coffee, smiling at the mumbled thanks.

"So, you think Gene will be able to handle this all by himself?" Billy asked and Alan welcomed the small talk. "Personally, I'm surprised he found anyone willing to finance the dig."

"I think you'll find they financed you, Billy, thinking you'd be taking over. Dinosaurs are all the rage and I overheard someone mention setting up a website all about you," he teased.

"Me?" Billy looked alternatively pleased and bemused.

"Fame has its price," Alan stated blandly, and Billy winced because Alan knew his claim to fame was not simply for surviving like him and the Kirbys, but for his epic journey to the sea, only half-conscious and half-dead, yet still clinging on to life with a grim determination that kept even the scavenging Compies at bay. If they were to make a Hollywood movie then Alan wondered if they would focus on that miraculous journey.

Billy's sudden laugh pulled him from his reverie and Alan eyed him strangely.

"When I got out of the hospital I checked my email, and I had hundreds of unread messages. I figured my account had been hacked and flooded with spam."

Alan chuckled, recalling how his own little used mailbox, both email and office, had been overflowing since InGen went public over Jurassic Park some months back. He should have forewarned Billy, especially after his last grant funding promotion where no one had seemed interested in anything he had to say about the Montana dig and yet every hand had shot up to ask questions at the end. It had just not occurred to him that they would target Billy as well, and probably the Kirbys too, especially Erik, who had survived eight weeks alone on that island.

"Best grab my shower."

Billy nodded, and if his smile looked a little wistful then Alan dismissed it as a fanciful notion on his part.

****

Sipping at his coffee, Billy leaned back and tried to relax but he knew he had over-stretched himself today. His leg and shoulder were aching far more than usual and even a couple of Motrin had done little more than take the edge off that pain. The problem was he found it too hard to stand back while others worked. He had never been the kind of person to sit on the sidelines as a spectator. He'd always been one of those people who threw themselves into the action, wanting to play rather than watch. He wondered if Alan thought him a little crazy after his admission on the plane about his near-fatal incident in New Zealand, when only the strap of his bag had stopped him from plummeting to his death.

That bag didn't seem so lucky anymore, not after it had been used to hide the eggs that had nearly gotten them all killed. At least he felt some of the weight lift off his shoulders now that he knew Alan harbored no ill will against him for his stupidity. He thought back to the moment of sheer lunacy when he had jumped off the walkway, placing all of his faith in a parasail that he had rapidly packed without fully checking only a day earlier. He had fallen to the sound of Alan's voice calling out to him in desperation and fear, and his luck had held when the chute opened and an updraft caught the parasail.

He'd saved Erik from the hungry pteranodon chicks.

Throughout the whole of that rescue he'd had no time to think about the danger to himself--not until he was slammed into the rock face and the parasail snagged on an overhang. Even then he had moved on instinct, freeing the last clasp that held him while silently praying that the water pooling far beneath him was deep enough to break his fall without breaking his legs. The first real shot of fear had come when he was running through the knee-deep water of a small tributary towards the others and felt a beating of leathery wings right above him. Jagged pain stabbed through his left shoulder as one of the pteranodon swooped in and lifted him off the ground. If it had pierced through both shoulders then Billy knew he would have stood no chance at all, but the other claw had gone through material only, and as he twisted high in the air, the material had ripped and, unbalanced, the creature had lost its grip on him. The second jolt of fear came when he realized Alan was desperately trying to reach him even as more of the pteranodons moved in for the kill. He didn't want to die. Not like this. Not before he could find a way to gain Alan's forgiveness, but stronger than the fear for his own mortality was losing Alan. He didn't want to live if the cost was Alan's life.

"Get away!" 

He recalled standing in the water yelling at Alan to leave him even as the pteranodons continued the attack.

The journey to the sea was mostly fogged in pain with just a few lucid moments of terror. He shuddered as the memory of the first of those moments came back full force....

Somehow he managed to grab hold of and cling to the remains of an uprooted tree floating down the river, and Billy wasn't sure how long he drifted with it before he heard the first sound of danger. The Compies must have smelled his blood as he drifted by, and their excited chittering increased with their numbers as they skipped from branch to rock, paralleling his course while searching for the right opportunity to strike. With one leg and his left shoulder almost useless, he could only look on in horror when he saw the thicker, lower branches of a tree overhanging the river just ahead, aware that he would pass right under them. The Compies saw it too and several raced ahead, hopping out towards him; Billy kicked with all the strength of his one good leg, trying to push the tree root further away from the riverbank.

He almost made it but two of the tiny, birdlike creatures jumped from the very edge of a branch and landed on Billy's upturned tree root. Though far smaller than the Pteranodons, their sharp teeth snapped at him, trying to tear off flesh, and he could do little to stop them without fear of losing his fragile hold on the tree. Somehow, he managed to wedge himself between the exposed roots, and he grabbed one of the creatures. The other snapped at his throat while Billy hurled the one he had caught as far as possible, hoping it couldn't swim. He took several more bites before he managed to grab the second vicious creature and hurled it after the other.

Neither came back but the Compies seemed to follow him along the water's edge for hours, only scattering when something much larger got in their way and threatened to trample them underfoot. That was when he thought he saw the family group of Anklyosaurs at the water's edge and a Brachiosaurus, and they were beautiful.

Billy blinked as the memory overshadowed the earlier fear, and it was this memory that still sustained him when the nightmares threatened to overwhelm him. All he could recall after the attack by the Compies was somehow managing to drag most of his body out of the water onto the tree root.

His thoughts lingered on Alan's admission yesterday that he had seen a similar group of Anklyosaurs by the water's edge. Perhaps it had been the same group and Billy had been floating only a little behind the others, drifting with the current while they chugged along in the boat. He must have overtaken them during the long night after they lost the boat to the Spinosaurus, carrying on to the sea while they took refuge in the trees until morning. He realized that he must have come so close to being found by them--or maybe he was the lucky one as a small platoon of marines had been waiting where the river met the sea.

They had dragged him to safety and tended to his wounds, doping him up with enough morphine to almost deaden the pain, but not enough that he didn't try to fight them when they were ready to give up on Alan. He recalled them trying to reason with him, telling him they needed to get him back to the carrier, but he had begged them over and over, clinging to the hat that had drifted along the river with him.

The shower stopped running and Billy's thoughts returned to the present. He heard Alan moving around in the bedroom situated at the back of the trailer, finally reappearing dressed in baggy cargo pants and a partially buttoned plaid shirt. Alan frowned as he walked over.

"Is your leg still aching?"

It took a moment for Billy to realize he was still rubbing his leg so denial seemed out of the question. Billy offered Alan a rueful smile that wavered when Alan dropped down beside the bench on his knees and reached out.

"Let me."

Before he could answer, Alan's hands were on his leg, fingers and thumbs sliding against knotted muscle. A brief flare of pain turned to deep relief and, embarrassingly, he moaned his appreciation before catching himself, but Alan chuckled. Whatever it was in Alan's touch that made machines go haywire obviously had the reverse effect on living tissue. Billy felt his head flop back as the pain eased for the first time in hours, barely conscious of the way his body was reacting to Alan's touch until Alan spoke softly.

"I'd do even better on bare skin," Alan murmured, and Billy raised his head in fresh embarrassment when he realized he was half-hard.

"I'm not wearing any underwear," he blurted out.

"I know." Alan's hand brushed over Billy's groin deliberately, gently, before he looked up. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No." His response was barely a whisper but his hand dropping over Alan's and pushing it harder against his filling cock was all the answer he thought Alan needed.

Alan smiled one of his beautiful, genuine smiles; the one that seemed to lighten his whole face and sparkle in his eyes but instead of carrying on with the massage, he pushed to his feet and held out a hand.

"A bed would be more comfortable for both of us."

Billy laughed softly, hardly able to contain his joy at finally being offered what he had always wanted from Alan.

He took Alan's hand.

****

Alan stretched out on the bed as gently as possible, not wanting to waken Billy. He hadn't felt this good in years and for the first time in just as long his sleep had not been plagued by nightmares from Jurassic Park--or more lately, from Isla Sorna. Perhaps it was simply having the warmth of another human being lying against him, but more likely it was because it was Billy.

He sighed in pleasure.

When he took his shower last night, he had spent most of the time under the spray cursing his cowardice. He had made a promise to himself and had come close to revealing his feelings for Billy on so many occasions since Billy gained his doctorate, only to freeze at the last moment. Last night had been the perfect opportunity to say something, but the fear consuming him at the time was greater than anything he had encountered on Isla Sorna. Billy meant everything to him, and the thought of losing that easy friendship was almost unbearable. He had spent so much of his life alone already, and Billy's companionship had eased the loneliness over the last few years. He was his friend and over time had become his confidante. Alan had shared thoughts with Billy that he had kept even from Ellie, possibly because he did not want to see himself diminished in her eyes.

His mind had still been in a quandary when he stepped out of the shower and dried off.

When he saw Billy half reclined on the bench seat looking so frail and defeated from pain, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to offer to give some relief. He didn't realize how much he would be affected by the small moans of pleasure from Billy as he loosened knotted muscle, and his eyes had drifted without conscious thought to Billy's groin. The soft material draped over his groin, outlining the slowly filling cock beautifully, making it obvious that Billy had not bothered to pull on anything beneath his sweat pants. A quick glance upwards had shown Billy too blissed out to notice the effect he was having on Alan--or that Alan was having on him.

It still took Alan a moment to draw up the courage to say something, aware that this would change everything between them for good or bad depending on Billy's reaction. What he hadn't imagined was seeing the quiet joy in Billy's eyes, or the way his eyelashes had fluttered closed the first time they kissed.

He smiled as he remembered what happened next.

Undressing Billy was a pleasure in itself, slowly revealing smooth skin with a smattering of chest hair. Over the past few months Alan had caught glimpses of Billy's injuries but now he examined each scar, letting his fingers drift over the livid red that marred the silken skin. Lying on his back, Billy turned his head away, almost in shame, until Alan leaned over to bestow soft kisses in the wake of his fingers. When Alan straddled his waist and began to knead at the knotted muscle surrounding his left shoulder, Billy slowly relaxed once more, until he was lying almost boneless beneath Alan. His head was thrown back and his lips parted, and he was the most beautiful sight Alan had ever seen. 

Moving slowly down Billy's body, he massaged the left pectoral before leaning over and licking the tightened nub of the nipple, eliciting another soft gasp from Billy. Eventually his lips met the hard column of flesh jutting from a bed of soft curls. He lapped along the length of the firm shaft before closing his mouth around the head, alternately licking and sucking. A single hand threaded through his hair and he heard Billy moan out his name.

"Alan. Please. Yeah."

He knew Billy was close by the way his fingers began to tighten and his hips began to make small thrusts.

"Alan? Alan?" His voice took on an edge of desperation as he tried to pull free but Alan wanted to taste all of him, swallowing him deep as Billy came and not letting go until Billy was spent. 

When he pulled back, Billy was staring at him with a mixture of awe and love that went straight to Alan's heart and groin.

"My turn," Billy whispered but Alan was already too close and the mere sight of Billy, and the sound of his voice, took him over the edge.

He chuckled softly once he had regained his breath. "Next time," he promised.

Next time had come a few hours later, leaving them both languid and heavy in each other's arms, and Alan barely had the energy to clean them both up before drawing the covers over them.

Now it was morning and he leaned up on his side to get a better view of the man sleeping soundly beside him. In sleep, Billy looked even younger with the pain lines smoothed away and Alan felt the first twinge of doubt as he watched the long, dark eyelashes flicker before Billy gazed across at him. A soft, pleasure-filled smile melted away the doubt and he smiled back as Billy reached for him. They kissed closed mouth, knowing they both tasted of stale coffee and, in Alan's case, the bitterness of Billy's semen.

"Morning," Billy stated softly and all Alan could do at first was continue to smile back at him, feeling almost giddy with the pleasure of having Billy beside him in his bed. Unfortunately, nature made other demands on his body.

"Don't go anywhere," he ordered.

"I'm not the love you and leave you type, Alan," Billy teased back, but much to Alan's surprise, he realized he had needed to hear those words.

He pushed up from the bed and pulled on his boxers and shirt before padding barefoot towards the kitchen area, making a quick detour into the small bathroom to use the facilities and splash water over his face. While the coffee brewed, he made a light breakfast for them both, glancing back towards the bedroom in time to catch sight of Billy limping fully naked into the bathroom.

The sight awed him all over again.

By the time everything was ready, Billy had returned to the bedroom and Alan settled the breakfast tray on the bed between them. All the awkwardness that Alan normally associated with the morning after was nonexistent in Billy's case. They talked of people they knew, of this dig and plans for the new dig next year. Eventually, Alan put the tray aside and reached for Billy once more, wanting to do more than talk.

****

Billy glanced out of the passenger window as they drove down the highway, watching the scenery change as they moved out of the rocky badlands and into the flat grass plains where he could see nothing as far as the horizon in either direction except for cows grazing. So far only one truck had passed them, coming in the opposite direction. Every now and then he glanced across at Alan and he couldn't help but smile as he remembered last night and this morning. He looked back again when Alan placed a hand on his thigh, covering it with his own and squeezing once in reassurance before Alan placed his hand back on the wheel.

Neither of them spoke but that was not unusual. They'd never needed to fill the air with words before and now he felt an even more companionable silence lying between them. For Billy, it was still hard to believe that he had everything he had ever wanted from Alan, though he wished it hadn't taken almost losing his life for that to happen. Certainly, he would be happier to live without the pain as a constant reminder of his regrettable actions on Isla Sorna. He had paid a high enough price for that foolish mistake but in the end, Alan's forgiveness was all that mattered, and he had that--and far more besides.

"We'll stop off at the diner in Roundup and grab something to eat."

Billy nodded, inwardly smiling as there was one particular diner that Alan had taken a shine to over the years. Usually, they would swap over the driving at that point but Billy was still not cleared to drive due to his healing injuries. Not that Alan minded as they were both used to making this long drive alone on occasion, though usually they didn't make the return trip so soon. However, they both had classes starting after the weekend, and they both needed to prepare their lectures.

The food in the diner in Roundup was as good as always, but there was something new and even more pleasurable this time around. Perhaps it was because they were now more than two friends sharing a meal.

The rest of the drive seemed to go too quickly and before he knew it, they were back in Bozeman and only a short distance from the university. Billy noticed the increased tension and wondered if it was due to the amount of traffic after hours on almost empty roads. Alan's hands seemed to be gripping the steering wheel just a little tighter and his lips were pursed.

Billy wondered if Alan was having second thoughts about them now that they had returned to _civilization_. He knew the university was a lot more open to alternative lifestyles than it had been as much as five years earlier, but there were still some who would frown upon Alan taking not just a former student but a man at that as his partner.

"Alan?"

A quick dart of a glance was all he gained as Alan needed to keep his eyes on the road but it seemed to break whatever thought was holding Alan too tightly.

"I'd like you to stay with me tonight."

Billy smiled in relief. "Sure. I just need to drop by my place and get some fresh clothes."

Alan relaxed his tight grip, one side of his mouth rising in a sly smile as he replied dryly. "Clothes were the one thing I hoped you wouldn't need."

The words caught Billy by surprise, and he laughed out loud. "I think I've discovered a whole new side to you, Doctor Grant."

"And I hope to discover far more sides to you, Doctor Brennan. Inside and out."

With the stress of the past months, Billy had forgotten Alan had a wicked sense of humor to match his own, and it felt good to be reminded.

****

Alan knew by the end of the first week that Billy was meant to be sharing his home and life as well as his bed. Neither of them had said anything but by the end of the second week, most of Billy's belongings had found a closet or shelf in Alan's home so it seemed only natural for Billy to give his landlord a month's notice and move in completely.

It made life easier for both of them, with Alan no longer going home to an empty house at the end of the day, and marking time until Billy arrived. Instead, they fell into a fairly domesticated routine, waking up together and sharing breakfast duties before Alan drove them to the university.

During the day they taught classes, sometimes attending each other's lectures and presentations. If not due to teach then they passed the time by opening their office door to their students for additional questions and assistance, or working on their own projects. They always met for lunch in the cafeteria, sharing a table in the far corner that often became overcrowded when students joined them due to Billy's affability negating all of Alan's surliness. Alan had to admit that it was always interesting, even with the topics ranging from the intriguing to the ridiculous. In the past, he had never cared for the inane conversations that invariably turned to university gossip, but it was a pleasure watching Billy socialize with others. He loved to see him laugh and smile, and loved to see the way others smiled and laughed with him.

The only subject off the table during those lunchtime sessions was their personal experiences at the hands of InGen's dinosaurs. He was happy to discuss the actual dinosaurs--what he had seen of their habits, their coloring and movements, even theorizing on the mating and nesting habits of the Velociraptors as well as their vocalization and intelligence. What he would not discuss was how he and the others had run for their lives, or how it had felt to see Billy leap off that ledge to save Erik, or how one pteranodon had swooped down and picked Billy up, lifting him ten or fifteen feet into the air before Billy twisted out of its vicious grasp... or how the stream had turned red with Billy's blood as the pteranodons continued to stab at him as the river carried them all away.

He wouldn't speak of Nash or Cooper either, of the flesh caught in the Spinosaurus's teeth and its fetid breath when it roared at them. He was glad he hadn't seen the callous way in which the Velociraptors had killed Udesky, snapping his neck when others of the pack located the one carrying the stolen eggs--him. Billy had watched that brutal act, and Alan knew that it was the defining moment when Billy realized the deadly mistake he had made at the nesting ground. Billy still carried the weight of Udesky's death on his shoulders, blaming himself.

They had already started writing separate books months earlier as a means of exorcising the demons that fueled their respective nightmares but they decided to combine their work into a single book instead, one that described the full events on Isla Sorna. Ellie's publisher was more than happy to represent them after reading the first completed draft. The book, consisting of dinosaur observations mixed in with a recounting of their ordeals, had hit the stands a month earlier and moved straight to the top of the bestseller list. The last Alan heard, a Hollywood producer was looking into buying the rights to turn the book into a movie, and he smiled as he remembered Billy excitedly discussing who they might cast in the various roles. Not being much of a movie goer, Alan couldn't put faces to many of the names but he kind of liked the idea of being played by Harrison Ford.

The royalties from the book hadn't hurt either, with a percentage going to the Kirbys and to the estates of the men who had died.

The events on Isla Sorna had made them minor celebrities, and the book increased that status much to the university's benefit. The extra attention and the increase in grants to the university, especially to the Paleontology department, had certainly helped to smooth over any concerns regarding his relationship with Billy. If anything, the university was bending over backwards to accommodate them both, not wanting to risk either of them accepting a better offer from another university in case the other followed.

Billy's health improved from month to month with the limp barely noticeable anymore, though the shoulder still troubled him occasionally. It helped being able to afford a decent physiotherapist. Even the scars had started to fade but they would never disappear completely. Alan knew Billy was still very conscious of them, staying covered whenever there were strangers around, but when they were alone, it was not unusual for Alan to find him wandering around their home in just his boxers--or in nothing at all when in their bedroom. That suited Alan just fine.

The best day of the week was Saturday, and he stretched as the late winter sun found a crack in the blinds. It had snowed again last night but the house was well heated and he was beneath the warm covers with Billy pressed up against his side. Gently, he rolled onto his side and leaned up so he could study his still sleeping lover. Part of him wondered how he had ever managed to survive his solitary existence before Billy came to live with him. He simply couldn't imagine being alone again without this amazing person in his life.

Billy shifted and sighed before his eyes opened. As always, he smiled as soon as he saw Alan watching him and pulled Alan down into a kiss. With no need to rush around, Alan murmured his appreciation and let the kiss deepen, enjoying the feel of Billy's warm hand stroking down through his hair and down to the nape of his neck. He pulled back a fraction before drawing their bodies closer, finding the perfect fit that brought each of them to a slow and satisfying climax.

As they clung onto each other afterwards, still wrapped in the pleasurable afterglow, he felt Billy's warm breath against the side of his throat.

"I still want to go back there one day," Billy murmured softly.

"I know," Alan replied just as softly. "I'll go with you."

END

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for Tarlan's The Long Road to Recovery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/375551) by [taibhrigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taibhrigh/pseuds/taibhrigh)
  * [The Long Road to Recovery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/376213) by [danceswithgary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary)




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